The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I have found that as the deployment goes on people start to get nasty just because they can. I spent a good part of an hour of my sleep time the other day to craftily cover the window in my room with magazine pages to block out the 3 thousand watt sun that beats down upon my weary body every morning. So I come in the following morning to see my roommate has ripped all my work off of the half of the window on her side. Ok, can you say B*tch? First of all, we have an overhead light and lamps in our little hole so it being dark shouldn’t be an issue. Next, we don’t ever open the windows, oh I don’t know because maybe it’s the Middle East and 5 zillion degree’s outside so it’s not likely we’ll be hoping for a breeze anytime soon. Lastly, our window faces another trailer 2 feet away so I have my doubts as to whether it could be the aesthetically pleasing view. I am quite sure she did it just to piss me off, like how she flips on the light when she knows I’m asleep and plays the T.V. at full volume. Once when I was 12, my parents pissed me off, so I rubbed my moms toothbrush on a bar of soap and took my Dads watch for a swim in the toilet. I find myself longing to put itching powder in her panties and superglue her shower shoes together (naturally I get more inventive and annoying with age). It’s not a pretty feeling, I’m a strong believer in Karma so I try and counter the negative with a positive. Whenever I have a nasty thought about someone I work with (like how my old boss kind of looks like a cross between howdy doody and Mr. Rogers) I try and come up with a positive thought (such as his impeccable hygiene). Most of the time I just can’t help it. You can only sit through so many meetings where the main focus is the curtains for the commander’s office or the new furniture hijacked and being held for ransom (WTF? Give me all your money or the swivel chair gets it?) before you want to stab someone with your mechanical pencil. Another thing about deployment are the rumors. The amount of action I’m getting over here is LITERALLY unbelievable. I have even been sighted in some lesbian action in a shower stall in the barracks. Now why I would sneak all the way to the barracks for some chick on chick action in a nasty communal bathroom as opposed to the privacy of my trailer remains a mystery to me, but it makes even a vice-free person such as myself want to reach for a cigarette when I listen to what I have been doing unbeknownst to myself (maybe I sleepwalk? And sleepshower…?). It’s like being a celebrity and having 200 little national enquirer paparazzi watching you, except your not rich, your not dating Enrique Iglesias, and your living in a trailer in the desert instead of a mansion in Beverly hills, no wonder they make shit up, the truth would just be depressing.

I’d like to give a shout out to all my biatches out there who wish they were getting as much action as those nosy little weasels out there are chattering about…