The Sandwich Man

Ok you know how on those episodes of seinfield they have the soup Nazi? Well over here we have his good twin the guy I like to refer to as the sandwich man. He’s like the playboy of the culinary world. True he is slightly pudgy in a well-fed lawyer business-y type way, but he struts it like the Leonardo Dicaprio of the Pakistani world. As I mentioned they brought in outside workers to cook our food. Now if you’ve ever been to subway then you know they have the line of workers and the sandwich is passed from individual to individual as it is built until it arrives at the cash register. Well it’s the same at the sandwich bar…except when I visit. The sandwich man…let’s call him Bob, follows me down the entire table. At first the workers would stare at him kind of confused like before he would say something in “Bobeeze” and they would look at me then jump out of his way. My guess is it was something like “stand back boys this one’s mine”. Now there’s no need for that, they see me coming and suddenly there’s stock to be filled and other workers to converse with leaving me all alone helpless and vulnerable, in need of a sandwich that only Bob can provide. It’s kind of like when guys go out in packs lurking, find the right number of girls (or sometimes settle for less and the out man is left hanging) and they each kind of claim one. So now I’m finding the journey through the sandwich line takes a little bit longer each time. He pro-longs the experience by asking me after each vegetable if that is good, or do I want more? Am I sure? Really sure? The sandwich is to my satisfaction? It’s a perfectly complete sandwich? I smile and bat my eyes first and foremost because you never want piss off anyone who has unsupervised alone time with the contents of what you will be consuming. Next, who am I to pass up a good hookup? You don’t tell the bouncer at your favorite club that you don’t want to be ushered to the front of the line when your wearing 3-inch platforms and a teeny slip dress in the dead of winter. Finally when he cannot prolong it any longer he hands me the sandwich declaring “A beautiful sandwich for a beautiful lady”…and it is.