BIOTCH: The conclusion

Ok, I had another topic in mind, but I figured I should finish the rest of this mind-numbing trilogy. So I figured out at that point that for some unknown reason this woman hates my guts (which later on I figured out there’s no discrimination, that she hates everyone else as well). There were no major blowouts between the two of us just her sending EVERY piece of paper I forwarded up back with some nasty little sticky note attached correcting my font, paper-size, or some annoying reference to 25-50 or whatever. Like anyone really gives a crap about that stuff anyway. I made little post-it airplanes out of them and threw them at her imaginary head. So I thought she was evil before we deployed, that was nothing. The day we moved into the barracks where we were to stay, my friend DS2 and I were skipping around with joy at having walls and a floor that wasn’t mud and best of all: Indoor plumbing baby! Naturally the building wasn’t without its faults: showers flooded, air conditioners leaked and a bunch of sweaty men in the next room, but we thought it was peachy (did I mention indoor plumbing?). I grabbed a corner bunk and damned if she didn’t park her snively little behind right across from me. DS2 and I were conversing next to my bunk one day when we got into a conversation with her (totally DS2’s doing, I certainly wouldn’t have stirred the beast in its natural habitat). She started ranting about how this place (the barracks) “is a hell-hole, a F-ing hell-hole”. As I stood listening to her rave with my head canted slightly I began to draw imaginary horns on her, a goatee and a little pointy tail. (I think I may have attention deficit disorder). I missed most of the conversation doing this but did come back to reality long enough to hear DS2 try to diffuse her anger by reminding her of those in theatre who had it worse (or was it all the starving children in Africa?) Ah anyway, there’s nothing more annoying when your pissed off about something than someone trying to make you feel better about it by telling you how crappy they, or someone else, has it. I saw where she was going, took a look at CPT Crazy’s face and started drawing again. It was later in the month that things got ugly. Now I suspect the fact that the only air conditioner that leaked happened to be over her bed didn’t help. I like to think it was Karma, because the big puddle stopped just a foot from pretty much every one else’s bunk around hers. She splashed down to find all the underwear she had hand washed and hung on her bunk (in full view) floating around her feet. So the rest of the week she was evil as ever and I suspect freeballing it too. Well once a week I got my soldiers together for what I called “S1 family fun night” for bonding. Well this week’s event was 007 (so they could oogle hale berry) and we watched it in my area. The lights went off when there was still 10 minutes of action packed breast slinging so I turned the T.V. all the way down so the soldiers could finish their oogleriffic movie and waited. Apparently she has the sprint pin drop hearing because she stomped over imagining she could hear the T.V. (I actually I suspect she heard us talking). She loomed over my poor soldiers and hissed “LT Blondie, WHAT (emphasis on this word) have I told you about headphones after lights out?” Ok, this was one of those devil on the left shoulder angel on the right shoulder moments. Due to the fact she was being such a whore about the whole thing, showing out in front of my soldiers and talking to me like I was a toddler (but mostly cuz her billy idol hair just pissed me off) I lost this battle rather quickly and put a finger to my lip and said very innocently “Gee ma’am I can’t recall, what DID you tell me?”(blink blink). She snarled back “Headphones after lights out are not an option!” She stood there glaring and I stood there indifferent (insert awkward silence and squirming soldiers here). She snapped “That means now!” I said “Oh k” (indifferent with a hint of constipated look here). She then swiveled her head and said “Don’t get an attitude with me”, and much to my everlasting shame (yet secret glee) with beady eyes glistening I snapped back “Well don’t be such a f-ing b*tch then”. I thought her eyeballs were gonna explode. She hesitated and then said “I wouldn’t have to be a b*tch if you would follow the rules” and stomped off to her cave. Of course I later went out and explained to my soldiers how inappropriate my response had been and some crap about giving people more respect and dignity then they give you or some cheesy do as I say not as I do, shame on me speech. I wasn’t quite sure it had the desired effect however because one of the privates said “Ma’am you are so cool!” I mean absolutely she deserved it being the evil billy idol wench she was, but I didn’t want one of my soldiers to get the idea that its ok to do that even if they’re right, because the consequences will always be worse for them. Ah well I never claimed to be perfect.