The Bus Drivers

Ok the buses right? So now here I am in my undisclosed location and since its 1 gazillion degrees farenheit here, the bus has become a welcome mode of transportation. There’s no more interesting place to hear gossip than the bus on a military post. It’s full of people from private on up that love to hear themselves talk. Every night is open mike night. I’ve learned recently that certain individuals from an unnamed airborne unit like to get drunk and have contests to see who’s feet they can piss on underneath the shower stall. They regale me, the only female on the bus, with these lovely stories, leaving me to wonder if there’s anything men will not try to do with certain parts of their body. The bus drivers are, like the DFAC and Laundry workers are also foreign. Now I’m assuming that since the speed limit signs are in English, that could be why until the speedbumps were installed I clung to the arm rest as the deathmobile did 65 down the road marked 15mph. Either that or they are trying to save wear and tear on the tires by making sure only 2 of them touch the surface of the road at any one time. Now because of the speedbumps they can only drive like drunk gremlins hunched gleefully over the wheel beady eyes glistening, for 30 second intervals and my death grip exercise has a new Mantra “Relax for 10, contract for 30, relax for 10, contract….” It’s like a roller coaster ride at Disney world except with uh maybe one of the three blind mice driving. I have something I like to call the “Clinch Factor” this is the medical term for when one’s butt cheeks hug each other for dear life….definitely applicable here.

Ps some definitions from past readings:
DFAC-Dining Facility (term VERY loosely applied)
WTF-What the F*ck (says it all….doesn’t it?)
Barracks-basically a big military dorm house only much less sanitary and not as much fun
S3-the pit of eternal stench (see movie starring David Bowie: Labrynth) also department where I work