Back to Hell

Ok so after a little vacation I am back. At first I was a wee bit concerned that I wouldn't have any material for my blogs seeing as how most of the unit still remains forward...Oh foolish woman. So I get back and there's the rear detachment commander here. This is a rolly polly little man that has the same problem most of us below MAJ are afflicted with; the mistaken notion that we are more important than we actually are, we have a job, and generally what we do matters. I have heard rumors about this little turd burgular, but now I have witnessed first hand and know why he apparently drove the spouses back here insane (coincidentally I see no mechanical pencils handy for stabbing purposes). Its only been about a week and I have entertained stabbing myself with those damn pencils again. I must have asshole stapled to my forehead because this man already seems to hate me. I'm convinced it's not the same sort of homicidal hate that CPT Crazy exhibits towards me, its just a general sort of "cower beneath me insolent worthless pile of cowdung that I have a higher date of rank than". Nothing real real personal. So I get back and one of my jobs coming back is to produce a operations order (basically "The Plan") for a ceremony to "Uncase" our Battalion Colors. Basically this entails taking our unit flags out of a nasty dooky brown colored sack with a bunch of important people watching (the actual important people not the psuedo important people mentioned in the above example) and a bunch of soldiers standing tall and hating life for having to stand at parade rest for 15-20 minutes of their lives that they'll never get back. So the idea is to set up camouflage netting over the important people for cover so they dont...I dont know...blow away I guess. So I walk in to CPT Rolley Polley(again name changed to suit the individual)and ask if the rear detachment has maintained any of that Camo netting for me to accomplish this vital mission (Operation No Blow?) He heaves a big sigh and looks up with those squinty little eyes and says just like a valley girl "Yaaaeah". I was like "Ok well I'm gonna need it for the VIP area". Another sigh..."Your gonna have to coordinate with SFC RetiringsoIdontgive ashit, he signed for all that stuff". Right but we do have it, I asked in order to verify. Another sigh and in his best-I'm gonna say this very slow for you worthless pile of cowdung voice.-"Yes, your going to have to coordinate with SFC RetiringsoI..." Yeah cause CPT Blondie thought that she could just bend over and the Camo net would just fall out of her ass. Well of course I am going to coordinate with him asshole, I just want to hear you say its available to even coordinate for. And what the hell? I hate when people use unecessary words that make a simple task in to a complex event. I mean I dont say "SGT Spanky coordinate with the the city water company to deposit solid waste" no, I say "Hey flush the damn toilet after you take a crap dude" Coordinate with him for Camo net? How about "Me Captain, you SFC, give me the f-ing Camo net". I think for shits and giggles I'm gonna find some private so I can feel important too and send him to facilitate my coordination of the Camo net. Insane....

So hard to say goodbye...nah not really!

Ok, so this will be my last post, the pods have cracked open and the new generation of squaters are taking over the colony. I have even been put back on (hiss hiss) day shift. I got an extra day off basically to adjust so that was a small but glorious reward for all the months of long hard shopping, surfing, blogging and picking my nose. That'll do blondie, That'll do...I'd like to continue to blog because I'm sure the insanity will be entirely too much for my little ol brain to hold in, and I will be jonesing for a keyboard to let loose on my unsuspecting co workers. Alas, I will have no computer to sit and happily pluck away my shift. Day shift never used to be so hard to accomplish nothing, it always came so easy. Now there's always someone nagging you for something. I decorated a christmas tree here for the incoming unit 1/2 in the spirit of the season, 1/2 to get out of the center of the Dantes Peak in the buttcrack of the middle east (our TOC). Ok so it was more like 60/40...hmmm ok ok 30/70. I already had the tree, so I low crawled across the street and did some covert extended borrowing from the neighboring units stash of christmas decorations. Since they had already put up their displays, we were doomed to leftovers to have a billy ray syrus christmas; redneck with a little touch of white trash. Suprisingly as classy as I am, I had no trouble whatsoever accomplishing this feat. One thing I noticed about the unit next door is they always seem to one up us on everything. We put our hand painted unit sign up in front of our building proud as a grubby little kids fingerpainting (after he eats the glue). So then up pops the air brushed graphic super sign mounted like a shrine to the top of their building. We got hand written butcher block paper briefing boards to scribble updates and they have a plasma screen television displaying the latest operations order, weather, and other irrelevant worthless Lieutenant Colonel induced, Major enforced and minion Captain executed crap. We have the great big bunker project (facing INTO the perimeter-can i get a constipated look from the crowd?) in front of our unit and they have potted plants and minions who sweep the freakin front porch about 500 times a day and the street too. We're in the F-in desert it has never, isn't, and never will be clean! Yeah if ever there was a more pointless job. Nothing says you are expendable like being sent out to sweep up the f-ing desert right? I noticed something the other day too, I watched both the commander and executive officer of that unit walk all the way over to our side to crap in our shitters too. Now I found that both interesting and slightly offensive. They apparently seem to think that they have show shitters kind of like how some people have those rooms with plastic on the couch that the kids aren't allowed to play in. So they come over and use ours so theirs will be available to impress visitors? Hmmm....Not suprisingly this unit is run by a woman. This explains why it looks good, smells good and generally appears more efficient. Ours smells like sewage, burnt popcorn with a slight hint of ass. I'm suprised the rats are still hanging around. They like our barracks too (go figure because that exudes more than just a hint of ass) apparently several people have opened wall lockers to find a couple of them congregating. Camel spiders are supposed to be scary but somehow I find Ratzilla who can walk up walls and upside down along ceiling fixtures breaking into wall lockers slightly more disturbing. Yeah I'm gonna miss this shit! Don't worry all, I will continue blogging once I return to the states and I will tell of travel adventures and reintegration into the Real World. love in IIKE (sorority stuff), La Capitana