There's No Place Like Home

It’s started. Today it was about 35 degree’s when I crawled out of my hole to use the bathroom. It’s absolutely insane, I mean no wonder they had this place so long, who would possibly want to live here? Its ass crack sweating in the summer, and skull freezing cold in the winter. My Other pointed out to me when I was complaining, that a few months ago I didn’t want to go outside and use the bathroom because I was afraid my butt would melt and become one with the bowl. Now I’m worried getting frostbite as my rear hangs out there in the open alone and unafraid. You typically imagine the desert as not getting much rain, but that is not at all true, the fact is this place appears to get just as much rain as back home except that instead of being spread over a reasonable 6-8 month period it will be 500 degrees one day and then piss on you for the next 3 months straight. You know one time (at band camp…) no but really, it actually hailed here once too. I like to think it was Karma since it came right after Mr. Terrorist Bastard was out wreaking havoc and it came down with a vengeance. We were good the rest of the night. I think the cold is actually a plus because it seems these little guys don’t like to be uncomfortable when they are fulfilling the will of Allah. I wish we had that philosophy in our military. Secretary of the Defense to Prez Bushy: Aww shit dude, its way too hot out there let’s just stay in America. Meanwhile akbar won’t leave the hut because his nipples are cold. So we’ve had some uh…adverse activity you know out in our area here. This has been unfortunate because you know, since then our Sergeant Major, henceforth affectionately referred to as “Chicken Little”, decided to make his office up here his permanent residence. Showers, Shaves and Sh*ts and Sleeps up here, it’s like his own personal little bunker fully staffed. He’s kind of like a Cracker version of Sadaam, pretty soon we’ll have to drag him out by his beard, and pick off the sand fleas to get him on the plane home. (Continued later) So it’s Thanksgiving today. I started to reminisce about the year past and those special moments that have made this deployment all I thought it would be, and found I was thankful for many things such as:

1. The vigilant NCO Big Daddy H that attempted to disarm me at a clearing barrel coming back from a convoy when he thought I had fired off the negligent discharge instead of the civilian who was shitting his pants next to me. “Just give me the weapon Ma’am, come on just give it to me”. Yes Big H I do tend to look confused when someone pops a round off next to my head.
2. Not electrocuting myself after plugging the 110 plug into the 220 outlet, a few unfortunate battery reactions, and not frying my roommates TV when I decided to see if I could screw an American Lightbulb into a not so American lamp.
3. The little street urchin that weasled me out of my last 2 dollars in the city by giving me a kiss and a pitiful beady eyed look.
4. The God of Mercy that put me on night shift to reign free over online shopping everywhere, and allowed the time zones to coincide for easy phone purchasing.
5.The acclimation of my intestines to the Great Middle East outdoors after oh only about 10 months of recurring explosive diarrhea and some questionable beef products. Now I can go back to America and start all over again.