A boring last few days

Just a warning...nothing even remotely interesting has happened to me the last couple of days so I'm afraid this is all I got:
Ok so I signed into the army chat known as AKO to just see what was going on seeing as I hadn’t logged into this since I was back in the rear. So I sign in and immediately I get messages from two guys with that sexy PFC (private first class) pick-up line “Hey”. Of course I’m always hoping to run into someone I may have gone to basic training or AIT with so I replied; hey do I know you just to be sure. No, I just thought you might want to talk was the response. WTF? I mean I didn’t think it was possible to throw out that you come here often, what is a lovely lady like yourself doing all alone kind of thing except in a bar. He just thought I might like to talk…? I guess my screen name was looking kind of lonely and vulnerable and he thought it needed some company. Of course I was bored so I decided to have a little fun. The conversation went on for the obligatory 2 minutes of bullshit where you from and what do you do till the inevitable dirty perv tell-tale question: So…what do you look like? Translation: Tell me you’re hot and I’ll have to type one handed. Normally I block them and sign out after this question, but I was feeling froggy tonight so I cracked my knuckles and settled in for a quick game of Wheel of Perverts. So the convo went something like this:

Spanky: So what do you look like
Blondie: bout 4’8, 200 pounds hairy little troll
Spanky: Nah I bet you’re hot
Blondie(Apparently trolls are a hot this season) Um well actually I’m very ugly
Spanky: No I have a feeling your hot
Blondie: really? It would be nice to meet a man that doesn’t mind my cleft pallet.
Spanky: I like you you’re funny…
Blondie: well since you said it I know it must be true
Spanky: Are you naked? (a rookie… never pop the naked question so early in the convo junior)
Blondie: No way! You have naked Wednesdays at work too? I think it’s a refreshing change, aloha Fridays are so five minutes ago.
Spanky: so your naked huh….(is this guy serious?)
Blondie: Oh absolutely I’m stretched out on the commanders camel skin rug right now
Spanky: Sounds freaky J (yeah almost like a scary stalker guy who hits on naked 200 pound trolls in military chat rooms)
Blondie: What can I say, pimpin ain’t easy.
Spanky: so what are you doing?
Blondie: (What every naked woman does alone late at night) Typing an operations order.

So the conversation continued till finally I had bored him speechless and probably rendered him impotent. I kept thinking to myself, this guy passed the screening exam at a recruiting station…someone thought it would be a good idea to give him a weapon. I guess the joke was on them, it’s pretty hard to fire an M16 one handed. Now that guys like the dog you lock away from the guests because he won’t quit humping their legs.